On The Edge...

Merdeka... But it wasn't emancipation for me.

Felt trapped in this weary world of mine, perpetually living under mountains of work and stress. I think being in my final year in law school is taking it's toll on me for real this time.

So much expectations and pressure to execute everything in perfection.

I am on the brink on a mental breakdown/meltdown and I hope it won't happened.

There's a sudden urge for me to just break down in tears and to scream out loud, then pack my bags and run off to some place where I do not know anyone and where the phone doesn't work.

I don't want to be contacted. I enjoyed a free life, travelling from places to places, seeing different things, watching the different ways of the world and listen to the stories they have to tell.

I don't want to imagine myself in a suit everyday, running from court room to court room or being confined in the claustrophobic office cubicle, churning paperwork after paperwork. There's just no fulfillment.

What's ahead of me? Can I just let go (do I have the choice and luxury to?) of everything and follow my heart (to explore the world and write of my experiences and journey around the world).

I find it hard to pray these days as my heart has been very heavy, burdened by this world. I can't hear God's voice nowadays, and I'm as dry as the bones written in Ezekiel. I'm in a drought here and it hasn't been raining for months now.

How long is this drought going to last? Will I be able to taste the rain? Will I be able to quench my thirst for the Holy Spirit soon?

How long more....? It's taking it's toll...

Will I be able to hold my fort?

My heart cries out to God. "I looked up to the hills and where does my help come from? My help comes from God..."